During my time off to just “be” and not think about the “what next” I found it next to impossible not to think about the “what next” at least a time or two each day. What I did find surprising was how often I was able to NOT think about “what next” during that time. I truly did have a few moments of being content with not planning.
Of course, in the back of mind, I knew that this was a temporary respite from planning and I would eventually get back to having a plan and planning everything. I do believe, having that thought in there was the sanity saver during my forced time of stepping away from planning. Does that mean I will never truly stop having a plan somewhere in my mind even if it isn’t front and center? Will I be okay with this? Can a planner still find calm?
It is amazing how quickly I can take the leap down the black hole of what if. Of course, as I spiral down the hole, the calm is out there but it gets smaller and smaller as it fades to the background. The search for calm seems almost contradictory at times. I want to find calm, feel that power of just being but in the wanting is the natural tendency to evaluate and plan the path there.
And so, I had some moments of being content with not actively planning. The trick is to figure out how I managed to do this without jumping into the black hole of over analyzing. Where to start?